


If I killed someone for you (Would you love me more?)

by IzzyMRDB



Series: My slowly growing collection of One-shots [7]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, RIORDAN Rick - Works
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Assisted Suicide, Canon Era, Canonical Character Death, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Gen, Ghosts, Happy Ending?, I feel the need to add, Insanity, It's a deleted scene(s) but they're crack, Just to be lighthearted after all that dark stuff, Non-Canonical Character Death, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, POV First Person, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Talking To Dead People, There's a treat as a second chapter for anyone who reads the whole thing, Unreliable Narrator, because of how uh insane Percy is and how Luke spirals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzyMRDB/pseuds/IzzyMRDB
Summary: I’m sorry that I did this, the blood is on my handsI stare at my reflection, I don’t know who I am-Luke succeeds in killing Percy with the Pit Scorpion, but now he deals with the physical spectre of his guilt haunting him. Driving him insane.
Relationships: Luke Castellan & Percy Jackson
Series: My slowly growing collection of One-shots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1908898
Comments: 70
Kudos: 221





	1. Chapter 1

I don’t know why I stayed.

I could hear Him urging me to leave, but I couldn’t.

I betrayed Percy, so I stayed to at least give him dignity and comfort as he died.

The pit scorpion was dead, he’d managed that, but not before it bit him. As I knelt down next to him, watching as he wheezed, curling on the ground.

Tears leaked out of his eyes, and I sighed softly, gently bringing him so his head lay on my lap.

“I’m sorry,” I crooned. “It’s for the best, you’ll be safe now. Elysium is waiting for you.”

“L-luke,” He wheezed, fingers curling around my jeans.

“Shh,” I brushed the hair from his face. “It’s okay, I’m here. I’m sorry.”

He looked up at me, green eyes sorrowful and _forgiving_. His breathing stopped.

I didn’t stop humming lullabies, stroking his hair even as his body grew colder.

I only left when the Nymphs finally led Chiron to where the clearing was.

They found Percy curled up like he was asleep, my jacket draped over him as if it could keep him warm.

**I’m sorry that I did this, the blood is on my hands**

**I stare at my reflection, I don’t know who I am**

**Practice my confession, in case I take the stand**

**I’ll say I learnt my lesson, I’ll be a better man**

“He was just a child,” I said numbly.

“They’re all children,” He whispered in the back of my mind. “He’s resting now, he’ll never have to fight in their wars. He’s safe, forever innocent.”

As I stared out to the sea from the brow of The Princess Andromeda, all I could feel is guilt.

I should have tried harder to get him to join me, then he would have lived.

“Commander?” Alabaster called, awaiting instructions.

“Set sail.” I spoke, voice steady.

I turned on my heel and walked inside.

I have to leave Percy Jackson behind, lest I die too.

**I’m packing up my things and I’m wiping down the walls**

**I’m rinsing off my clothes and I’m walking through the halls**

**I did it all for her so I felt nothing at all**

**I don’t know what she’ll say, so I’ll ask her when she calls**

There was someone crying. A child crying.

I woke up with a gasp, hand blindly groping for my sword.

There’s a child crying in my room.

Silently, like a cat, I approached the huddled figure in the corner of my room, hiding under my desk.

“Hey there, kiddo.” I spoke, slowly crouching down, knuckles white around Backbiter’s handle. “How did you get in here?”

I tried to be comforting, wondering if one of the new demigod recruits was lost.

“I can’t move on!” The boy wailed. “Why did you kill me?!”

I screamed, scrambling backwards away from what frightened me more than any god.

Percy Jackson, small and crying, staring at me just like he did when he died. A ghost.

“Luke? Luke!” I heard Alabaster call from the other side of the door, banging against it. “Open up! Luke!”

“Mom can’t see me, Dad walked through me!” Percy cried, accusing. “I can’t move on!”

“I’m sorry,” I gasped, shaken. “I- I didn’t-”

“Luke! Luke!” Alabaster called. “Break the door down!”

“You killed me!” He screamed, furious. “You killed me!”

Alabaster burst in, and I turned to him, trembling head to toe.

He looked confused, and with a horrible thought I realised he couldn’t see the crying ghost.

“I- I-” I pointed at the cabin window where Percy was curled under. “They came- He-”

Alabaster nodded, and didn’t waste a second to send the giants he brought with him to search the ship. “It’s okay, Luke. We’ll share a cabin tonight.”

He put his arm on my shoulder and led me out, and my eyes couldn’t help but lock with the forever crying child’s hateful eyes.

I shuddered, and prayed for forgiveness.

**Would you love me more (would you love me more)**

**If I killed someone for you?**

Percy followed me everywhere I went.

He was furious and hateful, quiet and forgiving, loud and spiteful.

The physical manifestation of my guilt.

“Poisoning Thalia now?” He spat, glaring at me. “Who’s next? Annabeth?”

Nobody was around, the early dew of dawn meaning campers were still asleep, so I allowed myself a moment of weakness.

“Percy,” I whispered. “I’m doing this for us.”

He sneered, “You’re doing this for revenge.”

A month of me being the only one to see him and turned him vengeful and manic. He wailed through the nights, clawing at me and blaming me for his death. Leaving me covered in scratches by dawn. Other times, he’d crawl into bed with me, cling to me like a child wishing a parent would scare away the nightmares, and I would hum lullabies. Even more rarely, he would speak; telling me how his mother weeps and can’t see him, how his father has sent a tsunami that drowned Hawaii and wouldn’t stop even when he begs him to.

I sighed and offered my hand so he could stand up, and he took it with a glare.

Thalia’s tree is poisoned.

**Would you hold my hands? (Would you hold my hands)**

**They’re the same ones that I used**

**When I killed someone for you**

Annabeth was screaming at me through the walls of the ship, but I could only curl my lip at her voice.

A cyclops, and I’m the traitor?

“You’re going to let her go.” Percy spoke, frowning. “And she’s going to get the fleece for you.”

“Yes.”

“You’re still going to let her go after.”

I looked at his feet- still clad in those ratty converse he died in. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

I swallowed. “If she escapes with the fleece, she can still save Thalia, and the prophecy child is still in our control.”

“No. If she escapes, you can still have your family.” He corrected me.

I clenched my jaw, teeth grinding. “You’re dead, Percy.”

He smiled, manic and angry. “You killed me.”

I woke up with scratches the next morning.

**Would you turn me in (would you turn me in)**

**When they say I’m on the loose?**

Annabeth fought tooth and nail to escape.

Percy laughed from the ship rail where he sat, perched, watching our fight.

“You raised her!” He called, “I suppose this is your own makings!”

I cut her down, but Chiron rescued her.

I sat, panting on the ship deck.

Percy wandered over. “The camp knows now. They’ll come for you.”

I raised my head to look at him, he smiled. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. I may have died, but you don’t have to follow me with a stupid infection or something.”

I huffed a laugh and let Alabaster help me up.

**Would you hide me when (would you hide me when)**

**My face is on the news?**

“He’s angry.” I commented, idly.

Percy gave me an incredulous look, “Kronos literally whipped you bloody.”

“And you scratch me every night.” 

He scowled, “Not every night, not anymore.”

He wasn’t. It was like he was calming down, less angry and crazed, more bitter to our circumstances. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t still manic and vengeful, only more sane, more calm. Most nights were quiet, and I cradled his cold soul, whispering of better times. 

**‘Cause I killed someone for you, yeah**

“I cannot believe you’re doing this.” Percy said.

“I can’t either.” I muttered back numbly.

“You killed me, and now this!” He pointed at the sky. “You’re not only going to kill yourself, but Annabeth too!”

“What else can I do?”

He growled, frustrated. “Leave! You can leave! You can say ‘fuck you’ to the gods and Kronos and _leave_!”

I smiled softly at the thought, “Where to?”

“Anywhere.” He gestured vaguely. “Everywhere.”

I laughed at the silly notion. “Kronos will soon rule everywhere, Percy. I can’t hide from him.”

He looked devastated, then manic.

All while I held up the sky, scratches appeared on my arms. They grounded me to the moment.

**I hear the sirens comin’, I see the flashing lights**

**I’m driving through the suburbs wearing my disguise**

I was furious at myself, lying to her.

At least the bait was taken, and I could spare her. 

“Where did you get those scratches?” 

I stopped and stared at the goddess straining under the sky. “What?”

“You’ve been holding up the sky, then simply recovering. Why are you scratched?” She frowned at me. 

My eyes wandered to where Percy was standing, smiling proudly. “Your question should be: Who scratched me?”

Her brow furrowed. “Who was it, boy?”

Annabeth was also looking at me, waiting for my answer. Atlas looked over.

I simply smiled, “Just my ghosts.”

Percy cackled manically. I know I’ll have more scratches on me in the morning again.

**I show up at her doorstep to look her in the eyes**

**I tell her that it’s me, but she doesn’t recognize**

Thalia screams and fights me, feral and untamed.

It’s like our first few days on the streets, clashing and growling like street cats.

I was on my back, her spear pointed towards my face.

A scratch appeared on her cheek, and she gasped in surprise.

I smiled at my little manic ghost, who snarled protectively at her.

I grabbed her spear, but then she did something unexpected.

She pushed me off the cliff.

I screamed, horrified and terrified, certain that I was about to die.

The pain was blinding, shattering and breaking.

Percy was beside my broken body in seconds. “It’s okay,” He whispered frantically. “You’ll be okay.”

His fingers scratched my chin as he held my face. “Luke, stay awake.”

**“Can’t you see I’m running?” Said, “I need a place to hide”**

**“I’ve gotta ask you something, could you please let me inside”**

“Annabeth!” I begged.

“We can run away together- just like the old times.” I cupped her face, trying to convey the desperation within me.

“No Luke,” She pulled away from me with a look of disgust. “I won’t let you play me ever again.”

“I wasn’t playing you!” I pleaded, “Please Annabeth!”

“Luke. Go home.” She threw my arm away from her. “You’re a traitor. Leave.”

I broke down. She… My last chance at family… I never meant to…

There was something in Percy’s eyes as he scratched Annabeth, pulling out some of her hair.

Ghosts don’t rest in peace, they’re vengeance and mania. The boy I knew as Percy seemed to fade more and more.

**“Just let me explain, no, I wouldn’t tell you lies”**

**“I know you’ll understand if you let me stay the night”**

Percy was curled up on my chest, nails digging into the skin above my heart.

His impossible weight chilled me to the bone. “If you run away now, then Kronos can’t use your body for a vessel,” He whispered into my skin.

“Why do you care?” I asked, a whisper in the night.

He raised his head so I could stare straight into his dull, glassy eyes.

“You killed me, I get to be the one that kills you.” He smiled, and then dragged his nails, leaving red welts of blood in my flesh, as if it was petting my hair- gentle.

That chilled me to the bone, and I stared straight up into the ceiling. “I won’t leave.”

Perhaps, with Kronos in charge, I won’t have to feel the guilt that claws my skin or the insanity that pulls me.

Percy laughs, and lets his ear drop to my chest, hearing my heart flutter. “I don’t believe you.” He sing-songs.

“The war has started.”

His grin stretches over white teeth. “Not yet. Thalia is 16 and Olympus hasn’t fallen. I make the choice, Luke, I get to turn 16.”

He’s dead, he’ll never turn 16.

His scratches are getting deeper: a whole bleeding heart is carved into my chest.

**Would you love me more (would you love me more)**

**If I killed someone for you?**

The Labyrinth was a confusing maze that at times, I thought that I would never see the surface several times.

To be honest, the only thing keeping me sane was Percy.

He likes to curl around me like a snake, digging his nails into my skin and whispering hateful and hopeful things into my ears.

“Oh look, my big brother.” He giggled, “Another death for our father. I wonder why he never protests them?”

I swallowed. “He enjoys them.”

He patted my cheek as if I’m the child and not him, “So does Kronos, and Gaia. They’re all not so different, hm?”

“No, they’re not.”

He hissed and cackled as Annabeth, Thalia, and a mortal got dragged into the arena.

“Oh goodie, more sport for daddy.” He clapped his hands.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the scene developing below, Thalia swinging that spear in hopes to win.

“Once, you would have protested this, wanted them to survive.” I said numbly.

“Death is far more _fun_.” He whispered, digging his nails into my shoulder.

I smiled as they escaped. Death is not more fun.

**Would you hold my hands? (Would you hold my hands)**

**They’re the same ones that I used**

**When I killed someone for you**

The River Styx was daunting.

“Beware!” Achilles had said. “Beware!” Percy had mocked.

I walked into it, and immediately nearly blacked because of the pain.

“Have you forgotten how to swim?” Percy laughed, and for once, his nails didn’t dig into my skin. “Come on, Luke, you can’t just laze in the lake all day, you have a canoeing lesson to finish.”

A canoeing lesson? I’m… I’m at camp.... I have a class to teach…

A lively Percy smiled, childish innocence clear on his face. “Swim, Luke. Don’t drown.”

I didn’t drown.

Percy sneered when I broke through the Styx’s currents. “It’s a pity you didn’t drown.”

**Would you turn me in (would you turn me in)**

**When they say I’m on the loose?**

**Would you hide me when (would you hide me when)**

**My face is on the news?**

The last thing I saw was Percy’s face, stoically brushing tears away.

The first thing I saw was Percy’s face, screaming obscenities to Kronos.

“Interesting,” A mouth that ~~was~~ wasn’t mine spoke. “It seems that Luke had a little lost spirit as a pet.”

“A pet that’ll scratch your eyes out!” Percy hissed, looking more like an enraged cat than the dead child he is.

Kronos laughed.

**‘Cause I killed someone for you, yeah**

“It’s my sixteenth birthday today.” Percy informed Kronos.

My face contorted into a sneer, “What is that supposed to mean, pet?”

Percy just laughed. “Thalia is nearly 18, Nico is 12. I’m sixteen _today._ The battle for Olympus has begun, and I’m the only child of the big three the right age.”

My face twisted into shock. “Thalia chose war the second she pushed Luke off the cliff. She’s the child of the prophecy.”

“She was still fifteen.” He smirked, “And it’s ‘Sixteen against all odds’: I think dying is against the odds.”

I could _feel_ it. Kronos was worried.

“And I,” Percy pushed his nails into my chest. “Wonder what choice I’ll make, hm?”

**You have to understand that the one I killed is me**

“Family Luke, you promised!”

“Come on Luke, don’t you want to figure out what dying feels like? What being a _hero_ feels like?” Percy mocked.

He lifted Annabeth’s dagger, and pressed it into my hand. His nails dragged up my forearm, leaving scratches.

“Don’t you want you kill yourself? For them? For us?”

I do.

**Changing what I was for what you wanted me to be** **  
  
**

Blue eyes meet dull green as a dagger buries itself into my armpit.

**I followed your direction, did everything you asked** **  
** **  
** Percy smiles as I take my last breaths, begging for it not to happen again.

“It’s okay,” He crooned. “I killed you. You’re safe, I’m here. It’s for the best, you’ll be safe now.”

His nails don’t scratch me as he strokes my face, brushing my hair away from my eyes.

“I killed you. I killed you.” He starts humming a lullaby, one that I’ve nearly forgotten. One that I sang to him once.

**  
**  


**I hope it makes you happy, ‘cause there’s just no turning back**

He killed me.


	2. Here's a little whiplash for you readers!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cause Nani is an enabler who refuses to let the ‘Ghost Percy is an angry kitten who causes chaos on purpose to annoy Kronos’ idea die, here's a quick chapter on Percy annoying the Titan army using trivial pranks to cheer you back up from this dark oneshot

“You,” Kronos began. “Are an awfully pesky ghost.”

The fact that he had woken up, covered in scratches head-to-toe should have clued him into the fact that Percy wasn’t going to let him take Luke’s body lying down.

“You,” Percy mocked. “Are an awfully stupid titan.”

Kronos has had a lot of trouble dealing with his vessel’s annoying pet ghost; for one, the damn thing refuses to move on- even with Prometheus’ coaxing. Second, Kronos cannot touch it if it doesn’t want him to, and the way it hissed at him everytime he got near made the change of him grabbing it and throwing it at the Olympians slim-to-none. Third, it’s been only three days, but every single night the damn thing has been insistent on using him as a scratching post, then ruthlessly mocking him.

“Kronos, who are you talking to?” Oceanus asked, finally arriving for their meeting.

Phoebe snickered, “Our brother’s vessel had a pet ghost that is rather annoyed that it’s owner has been possessed. The haunting is small, but it is amusing.”

Kronos glared at her. Percy, to Kronos’ surprise, glared at her too. “Luke was  _ not _ my owner!”

“The pet is obnoxious and refuses to move on, even with bribes.” Kronos said, and Percy yanked his hair in retaliation.

Oceanus watched his brother’s head randomly jerk to the side for no reason, and said brother immediately swiped at the air. “...Okay then, should we get started with the meeting?”

-

Every time Krios put his nectar goblet on the table, it immediately got shoved off.

“What the-?!” He snarled after the tenth time.

Coeus stared at him and the goblet. “Is it… cursed?”

“You think I wouldn’t know if it was cursed? It’s not!” Krios said, then gave a scream of frustration.

He slammed it on the table and shouted, “STAY!”

It stayed. A second passed, the another.

They gave out a sigh of relief.

The goblet went flying, straight out the window.

You could hear Krios and Coeus’ shouts from everywhere on Mt Othrys.

Kronos looked up only to see a giggling ghost child. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, ‘ _ why me?’ _ he thought.

-

“What even is your name?” Kronos asked the ghost sitting on his throne, upside down.

“Percy.”

Kronos huffed a laugh, “Mortal names…”

Percy glared at him. “Perseus.”

“Okay,  _ Perseus _ , get off my throne.”

“No.”

Kronos’ army looked at the scene in confusion, wondering why their king was talking to thin air.

“Get off.”

“Not until you say please.”

“Please get off.”

“Okay!” Percy smiled and hopped off, to Kronos’ relief. 

And then, immediately to his disbelief, pushed his throne over so it fell backwards.

“Oops.”

“Argh!” Kronos threw his hands up, frustrated. “Stupid ghost!”

Percy giggled as he skipped off, knocking a few demigod’s helmets askew as he went.

The confusion of the onlookers grew.

-

Iapetus stared at the claw marks that suddenly appeared on his bicep. The pet ghost only scratches Kronos normally, is it up to something?

“Uh, Kronos?” He spoke up.

“What?” Kronos looked up from the reports he was pouring over, only to look horrified at what he saw.

“Did your vessel’s pet ghost just scratch me?”

Kronos sighed deeply, slumping forward to rest his forehead on the table. “He says he likes you and that he’s going to call you Bob.”

Iapetus blinked, then exchanged a baffled look with Hyperion. “Okay?”

“He’s also sitting on your lap and he says he wants you to drink Lethe water.”

“What.”

-

Phoebe suddenly snickered into her goblet, and the Titans shared looks over their meal.

A sister that can see the future suddenly laughing is never a good sign.

“Phoebe?” Hyperion tentatively asked.

She tried to hide her grin, “The pet ghost has managed to get it’s hands on a jar of greek fire.”

Prometheus looked both alarmed and amused, “Oh dear. What has he blown up?”

“Better question is: Who will he blow up?” She failed to hide her grin.

Oceanus was the first to react. He sighed and stood up, “I’ll go tell Kronos.”

The sound of an explosion rocked the room, and you could hear the faint sounds of Krios screaming.

“Nevermind.” He sat back down.

-

Kronos walked into the room, simply to trip over a table.

“Don’t you da-!”

SMASH!

Percy sat, looking like a smug cat from atop the table, seeing the way the mug he just dropped on Kronos’ head shattered.

“I moved all the furniture one inch to the left,” he crowed proudly.

Kronos, with a stink-eye, suddenly pulled out an enchanted bubble and…

“No!” Percy hissed, “Not the christmas music!”

Kronos raised an eyebrow, “Punishment: everytime you act up, this will play on repeat for hours. Let’s see if we can housetrain you, hm pet?”

Percy threw a vase at him.

-

"So Kronos, it's no wonder you're such a brat- you are what you eat!"

Kronos stared at the ghost who was unstrapping parts of armour from random demigods as he got ready for battle. “You realise that you just called your father a brat too, right?”

Percy laughed and dripped an empousa. “He is one!”

“Right…” Kronos turned back to grabbing his scythe. “You amuse yourself with that one. I've got a war against the Olympians to win.”

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like it's been too long since I did another One Shot, especially too long since I wrote about Luke! I tried something new with the POV since I usually do Percy's, but hopefully I conveyed Luke's decent into madness properly. I've also never portrayed something like this before, did you like it? 
> 
> Percy, as a ghost, lost all his 'goodness' cause in some lore ghosts go insane when they can't find peace, and I really wanted to do that instead of a fluffy 'ghost is haunting me'. It's horror movie hours and the ghost child is haunting you for killing them, run!
> 
> I answer any and all comments you leave, am happy to discuss my ideas and plot with you, and I cherish every kudos you give!  
> Find me at @IzzyMRDB on all social media (Tumblr, Insta, Snap, Discord[#2881]) and start a conversation!
> 
> Or, join the discord server for special content and sneak peeks on all my works! https://discord.gg/jsH6Q8K


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